A new blog... maybe....

So I'm thinking of starting a new blog.  Just maybe.  I like going back and reading and remembering different milestones the boys had.  It is easy to document the little things. 

Writing is also pretty therapeutic to me.  When I get upset with someone, I always write them a letter and say everything I want to say.  Then I tear up the letter and throw it away.  Usually, I get all my venting out in the letter and I'm ready to move on without needing to confront the person.  That's how writing is for me.  Therapy.  And since we are going through a roller coaster of emotions, it could be good for me to have an outlet.

So, the past couple of weeks have been.... well... rough.  I have gone to the cemetery several times.  I don't like the word cemetery.  I think I prefer to call it Lucas's garden.  Butterflies seem to be a recurring thing there.  My whole family sees them all the time.

Yesterday I was in Lucas's garden, sitting on the grass crying and a butterfly floats around me and lands next to me on the grass.

We have also seen several deer.  The second or third time I went, my mom and I saw 7 deer there.

I have found myself getting very agitated lately.  Things that normally don't bother me that much do now.  Like the other day, we were grocery shopping and the woman at the checkout saw Miller and said to Tom, "How cute!  How old is the baby?"  So we answered her.  Then she turns to me and says, "And how old is Mommy?" is a very condescending tone.  Yes, I look younger than I am.  But, really?  Anyway, normally things like this (and this happens fairly often) don't bother me much.  But it really irritated me that day.

And we went back to church for the first time Sunday.  My dear friend Heather brought her new baby girl and I brought Miller.  The two babies are about the same size.  A man came up and said, "Two for one, huh?"  I started crying.  This man had no idea what had happened, but it hurt nevertheless.

We start grief counseling soon.  Maybe this will help with my agitation and my anxiety.

On a different note, Declan and Miller are doing great.  These boys can make me smile even through the roughest of days.  Declan will pat my back when I'm upset.  Melts my heart.  He is on a Thomas the Train kick.  I got him a Thomas the Train book the other day and he is completely obsessed with it. 

Miller is a whopping 8 lbs 9 oz now and 20 1/2 inches long.  When we brought him home on June 13, he only weighed 5 lbs 4 oz!  The boy sure does enjoy eating!

So, yeah.  We are just taking it one day at a time.  Sometimes one hour at a time.  I'm working on starting a new blog.  For those that wish to follow, check back in a couple of weeks for a link.  It is taking me a while to get stuff done, between taking care of the boys, writing thank you cards, dishes, laundry, and moving in a couple of weeks... we have our hands very full!